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Conflicts Stand

It is happening around the world. ‘Conflict’ is the most apt word that I can choose.

It all started with revolutions across Africa and Middle East a couple of years back. My house agent in Singapore was worried to sell her Land in Native Egypt at Revolution Prizes. Revolution Spread. But were the rebels bound by a single ideology, or were against one? I prefer to think that it was the later.

Slowly it turned out that there was a war in Syria. One fine morning I saw Bashar al-Assad justify himself on Bloomberg. I thought that he was a very decent and presentable guy, probably he was correct. Probably the first nations had some ulterior motives to disgrace him by accusing him of using chemical weapons. There was a Conflict, between right and wrong I thought.

Things slowly turned to Ukraine. Russian vested interests had made the matter even more complicated. One of my friends, who works for an Indian investment bank got a request from senior management to help identify all Russian and Ukrainian account; probably to freeze the accounts. Crimea became a war Zone. There was conflict of old and young, regionalism and Nationalism, Tradition and Modern Thought. Above all, I thought that there was a conflict between might and mouse.

Then comes the ISIS. The Islamic state of Iraq has put up a mind boggling ‘war’, if I am allowed to call it so. The Sunni Minority rose to the decades stretching Oppression? Tony Blair was very ahead in condemning that the Iraqi war of America and Britain is the reason for this current state of affairs in Iraq. Was in not Britain and France’s strategy in the World War I that has caused a thousand and one con-circumstances in this region? Surprisingly, America and Iran are ‘trying’ to collaborate on this issue of fighting the Iraqi Sunni Jihadists. I often wonder if the assurance of American support makes a country more cowardly; South Vietnam for Instance.

As the topping on a blood cake, comes the Karachi airport attacks in Pakistan. The state that has an intelligence network built on certain principles, is now succumbing to the leftists of the same ideologies. KGB was not dreaded for no ordinary reason. People working in KGB were psychologically, in a dimension that a Free State psychiatrist could not gauge. They worked for a blind ideal, devoid of any scientific reasoning, and worked hard, With the collapse of the Soviet Union, came the collapse of communist ideology (to a larger extent, before it rose again with China). ISI has latched on to one of the core concepts of Islam and probably re-dimensioned it to its advantage. With all due respect, I would like to say that people who are too attached to something will eventually go bonkers if they sense a minor threat to what they love. ISI has used this psychological condition to their advantage for long, before it got bitten by the same snake that they have been feeding.

I am not sure if I have been more observant of late, or if it is really true, I feel like I am living in one of the most turbulent times since the World War II.

I hope Peace reclaims this planet one more, whatever consequences the human race might have to pay. Hope the Flora and Fauna of the planet prevails.

An Ode to the Nice Guys

This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgment, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Dhanadhan Dhoni

It is 3:13 am in the morning and I just came out of my room, not able to bear the dismal show put up by the Indian Batting line up (the best in the world on the paper… supposedly) in their final match against South Africa at the T20 World cup Final.

So what do I do now, my lower eye brow right eye is…you know… literally translating.. kind of shaking, generally people say it indicates that something good is going to happen, but I think that this is an after effect of sleeping for 13 hours a day (from morning 4 am to 5 pm in the evening). So what good would happen if I slept for13 hours a day.. hmm.

What do we have here in the other window of my comp?! Oh, this is my regular Gulti gossip site, and there is an Aishwary Rai album and the title reads “Gallery: Spicy Aishwarya Rai on Verve”. Was she ever spicy? I never found her spicy!! In the earlier part of her career, I did not even find her beautiful. But as time passed by, she became (or might be I started finding her) beautiful, kind of Elven (the LOTR Elven I mean) glow became more visible in her. And unfortunately, that’s when she got married to “red Bandar”!  Otherwise, the only woman I have always thought to be beautiful was Sonali Bendre!! There was no other bollywood actress whom I could ever compare with her in terms of Beauty.

It is 3:19 am now and I will soon be on the sofa, trying to sleep in this very uncomfortable mattress that is spread on it. Harbhajan’s just out and India needs 31 of 16 balls! Does India have the balls… I don’t care! Wow, this phrase I don’t care is a very good one!! One could always say this and get relieved from whatever junk he has in his mind. But right now, I seriously don’t care about this Indian match. I know Avi and Deepak would be watching this match (mostly because of their fantasy teams, if I am not wrong, they should have put Yuvraj in their team… ). I have been watching too much cricket and it started to bore me. And think I am following a new mantra, I worry for things that I can control ( which I obviously don’t do, I don’t worry for things which r most imp to me sometimes!!).

One can find out from this piece of writing (if they are jobless enough to read till here) that I am too sleepy, and I want the readers to note a point that, a person deprived of sleep is equal to an alcoholic in a certain way.  It is 3:35 am in my comp and Yuvraj is Out. But I wil have to remind my readers again that I don’t care!

I love Dhoni - The doodh wala!

MAN!!! What the bloody fcukin fcuk!!! We are losing all the matches that We are playing man!! B*****D World Champions!! I have been writing all this bullshit, just to pass my time and see the end over of match because I would not be able to see the losing match.

Kool vanga Kool…..  deep breath… I don’t care… Dhoni, U are “awesome shit!”!

And now Cricbuzz reads “Proteos shun hapless India”. Nice work Dhoni!! Keep it up!! 3:48 am and I am off to sleep….

Accident….

crayon11

So, I had an accident today. My Bro was dropping me to the GMAT classes, 7 AM in the morning and on the highway. 80 Kmph speed at the start of stage 1. My bro was riding the bike.

A truck was crossing the divider to get into the gully on our side of the lane. My bro first thought of crossing the truck from the front, can see it from the path in stage 1.

Later he decided that with the pickup from this bike, he could not afford to do that. So he changed the trajectory to stage 2, decelerated from 80 kmph to 40 kmph.

At the end of stage 2, he got mad! He suddenly got pissed at the driver that he had come to a halt and that my bros calculations were goin wrong, instead of breaking further, he removed his leg from the brake and was trying to eye the truck driver!!! Donno, might be to scold him or somethin!!

And then came stage 3, where he was on VELOCITY of 40kmph, I came to understand that somethin was wrong and was like “dude look!!” “dude look!!” BANGcrashTring, we were on the road.

I was alrite, 2 bruises thats it. Bro had bad hand brush. He shouted (still both of us on the road), Bhai!! haat chud gaya lagta hain!! I was tensed. People gathered around, Good thing, nothin on his head and hes walking. Someone called Ambulance, He was put on stretchers and moved to the hospital.He was able to move the hand by then! I concluded that it was nt a fracture and then i started smiling. I was looking at him and smiling!! LOL!

His hand got badly brushed though… got 13 stitches on the elbow! People asked me to take a tetanus injection for my bruises, which i did not, for some reason :S. I came back home, bro came back after 2 hours, x-ray and radiography test….

He deserved it…

SlumDog Millionaire!!

image002Now…. this is half literal and half metaphoric “Slumdog Millionaire”!! Not many guys would mind being this pup!

There has been nothing interesting recently guys, I made my famous gajar ka halwa day before yesterday. It turned out awesome, like the last time when i made it in 4.1 or 4.2, dont remember well. Mom did agree that it was better than her version. Seems to be the dessert i make the best, followed by gajar ka halwa and that followed by cake… :D.Was thinking of a mithai bhandar in spore, what say, any financiers? Can put in chat bhandar later!! OK, will cut this crap.

GMAT classes are taking up most of the time (no bloody gals in that class!), and kind of doing some research on literature in the remaining time, not to mention applying for jobs and stuff. Alreasy running, but will be back soon. Mean while, there is power cut in hyderabad, every afternoon 2pm to 4pm, crippling me bad!! And in the remaining time, my bloody bro is busy chattin to his various friends, let him have fun. Yea, not to mention he got cought yesterday by mom and dad for having some girls pics in “my pictures” folder :D. I have no clue why dad even tried to fiddle around with the computer! It was so funny to see mom asking bro and as he was cought off guard, he gave some stupid explanation and mom got more suspicious. I LIKED IT :D. I seriously hope my dad doesn’t fiddle with my comp!! He would be a bit sorry if he does that. I cannot help him. I have my passwords and stuff, hope that will keep him at bay!!

Meanwhile, two pieces of narcissist art….

Children & Friends!

My aunt gave birth to a baby girl yesterday!!! It is after a long time that i was seeing a newborn kid. Last time i did, i was 10 years, and it was a girl again, sister (my mom’s sister’s daughter). But then i didnt feel much. As far as i remember, I was more involved in relishing the fruits that guests bought for my aunt. I tried to touch my sister then, but I was stopped abruptly by my mom saying that I shdnt touch a new born kid! “But aunt is kissing her, u are touching her, then why shouldn’t I?” … “You should not be doing it because your hands are too dirty to touch a newborn, now go out of here and play with your brother!!” shouted my mom. I was a little bit disappointed, but soon I was busy with my brother enacting some scenes from He-Man, or some other “Man”. Happens when you are a kid.

Last memory of stumbling upon an infant was “the cafe iguana encounter” on someones bday, 3 months back . Me, Suchit, Ankur and Prachi were trying to get a reservation in Cafe Iguana when Prachi showed me an infant. The kiddo was so god damn cute and small!!  WAIT!! WTF, infant at cafe Iguana!! That kid should be 1 week old or something, IN CAFE IGUANA?! WHAT KIND OF MOM!! Me and prachi were staring at the kid and had a small discussion on the the very same topic while Ankur was a bit busy trying to get us some reservation in Cafe Iguana ( On this not, Ankur bhai, All Indians are my brothers and sisters except around 20 girls, safe side, and prachi is not in that 20 girls, so yea dont feel threatened 🙂 ). All this while, Suchit was standing beside us and would have been thinking “Kya Chootiapa baatein Kar Rahe Hain yeh Dono?!”

And yea, coming back to my aunt, she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl!! As usual I was not allowed to kiss her or make any sorts of direct physical contact, but I got to carry her in my arms. She was carefully covered with a white cloth (which might have been sterilized or something). And for a moment there, I started to envy the kid. She smiled, a grace, that would brighten up the darkest pits of hell……… Before I could decipher her emotion from the smile, it disappeared into some other emotion but this smile was already incarcerated in my eyes. She was lovely!

I congratulated my uncle upon his success :P. He is my dad’s brother. Has three buffaloes in the village and a 5 acre land, think he is growing cotton this season. He and aunt were happy, but unfortunately, they did not seem to be very happy. They wanted a boy. My mom started shouting at my uncle when she came to know about this. She went to the extent of exchanging my brother (Harshavardhan) with his daughter!! (LOL, you should have seen my brother shout at this comment of hers when we came back home). Still the same old village minds, but yea, I think the situation is lot better in my family when it comes to the other houses in the village! Soon there will be a party, there is a tradition of  21st day party when the child is born. Will be going back to my village to have fun. Damn this Sun. So god damn hot.

Now a small fun game:

What would AGASTYA do if he saw a cute kid?!

(Situation: A cute kid comes into his room from neighboring apartment..)

“Do u want a chocolate? Let me buy you a chocolate naa! Wait!! Wont it be a better idea if I made that chocolate for you naa. Yes Yes, or let me see, I cant make chocolate, so we will make cookies or………” (agastya wants to be different! He wants to be recognized by the boy forever!!).

The kid will feel confused and after some time he would go to his mom and say “Mom, that big hair uncle over there, the one who has hair all over his body, the caveman uncle…..  seems to be dumb, I cant understand his language!! All he keeps saying is “naa”, should we show him to a doctor?”.

What would DEEPAK do if he saw a cute kid?!

(Situation: A talkative kid (BOY) from the neighborhood comes into deepaks room by mistake, deepak is busy on his comp)

Boy says: Hi Uncle.

Deepak: (gives the kid a glance and looks back into computer) Hi.

Boy: Uncle….., you are so tall like a tv tower!

Deepak:(looking into comp) OK

Boy: Uncle, what are you doing?

Deepak: (looking into comp) I am busy checking girls in Facebook.

Boy: OK, do you want to play with me and my friends?

Deepak: (looking into comp) I dont play games your with people of your age, and neither do i play with people of your sex now a days.

Boy: Ok, So i will leave then.

Deepak: (still looking into the computer) OK.

Deepak: (looks at the leaving boy) dude Wait !!

Boy: Yes Uncle!

Deepak: Do u have an older sister?

Boy: Yes Uncle.

Deepak: What does she do?

Boy: She goes to college.

Deepak: Boy, I think i will play with you, and from now on you can call me Bro-in-law! So lets play in you house??

What would Avinash do in similar situation?

( I should tell you avinash is one big kid lover!! and NO, hes not a pedophile…)

Avinash: Kuchi kuchi, such cuteeeee kid, come here!!

Kid: [is scared looking at him]

Avinash: You want chocolate? You want Mars bar? or do you want kitkat? Anything u like!!

Kid: [Scared to death looking at avinash’s laughter]

[ Power gone, lights gone, avinash takes out a lighter from his pocket and lights it in front of his face, looks at kid]

[Kid runs off]

[Avinash, as he is still confused why the boy ran off…. the light comes back]

[Avinash notices water all around at the place the kid was standing…. realizes the boy pissed in his pants when the lighter incident happened]

[Poor chap Avinash, as much as he loves children, he opted to stay away from them since that day]

What would SHANTY do in such situation:

Boy: Hi Uncle

Shanty: Abe udhar hi kyon khada hain, andar aaja!!

[Boy comes in, not knowing what is going to happen to him soon]

Shanty: Cigrette peeta hain? (do u smoke?)

Boy: Mummy bolti hain ki .. [before boy could complete the statement]

Shanty: Abe mummy ko maar goli!! Chal aaja sutta le….

Boy: [starts smoking]

Shanty: Daru peeta hain?

Boy: Mummy bolti…

Shanty: Abe sale, kya bola main tereku?! (slaps him on the head)

Boy: Mummy ko goli maro….

Shanty: Phir, daru laa, udhar table pe hain, serve kar, tu “shot glass” me daru daal le, mere liye woh “lassi glass” me daru dal ke de…

Boy: ok Uncle.

Shanty: Abe uncle kisko bolta hain?! Virginity lose hone se kuch farak nahi padta, shaadi hone ke baad uncle bula, samjhaa?!

Boy: Ok…. bhaiya.

Shanty: Waise tu virgin hain??

Boy: woh kya hota hain bhaiya?

Shanty: woh yeh hain ki …..  [thinks for a while] chal chod de…. i am too lazy to eplain things to you now, jaake tere biology teached se pooch kar kal batana mujhe….

What would SUCHIT had a similar situation?

Kid: Hi Uncle?

Suchit: Abe sale tune uncle bola? Koun hain tu? Andar kaise aa gaya bhai? Abhi ek ladki pati nahi, aur tune mujhe uncle bol diya?! Kya yaar!! Mujhe kuwaara nahi marna!!

wait, waise tu hain koun?

Kid: I stay in the apartment beside you, just shifted our house.

Suchit: Abe sale, ek tho Uncle bola, aur ab english me baat kar raha hain?! Dimag mat sanka, pehle hi yeh Uttar Pradesh main paida hoke thode BHAI traits aa gaye hain muj me.

Kid: Sorry bhaiya!

Suchit: Ab ja aur jyada disturb math karna mujhe, waise hi office me chapto ne haalat kharab kar rakhi hain meri, sale log. Mujhe shanti se youtube videos dekhne de!! Samjha?!

SO IT ENDS HERE. GUYS HAFFUN 😛